In the early stages of dating, communication is key. Texting, in particular, plays a crucial role in building connection and gauging mutual interest.
However, the convenience of instant messaging can sometimes lead to hasty, emotional, or ill-advised texts that might jeopardize a long term relationship. Knowing what not to text a man can save you from misunderstandings, preserve your self-respect, and keep the relationship healthy.
I will go through some common pitfalls to avoid when texting a man in the early stages of dating with examples, and the do’s and don’ts of texting.
The Dos of Texting:
1. Playfulness:
Being playful doesn't mean engaging in any sexual talk, especially if you're just starting to date the guy. You don't want to give the wrong impression of yourself. Avoid giving him the idea that you're an easy girl or that you're not looking for something serious.
Men might think you're talking to many other guys if you engage in sexual talk, which can lead them to believe that you're generally easy. You certainly don't want them to know you're talking to other guys.
No sexual talk or activity should be initiated. The goal is to understand if you like the guy or not. Giving any indication that you're up for sexual stuff too early on can send the wrong message. If he starts talking about sex early on, it's a huge red flag.
So, that's not what we mean by playful. Playfulness should be light-hearted and fun, but always respectful and non-sexual in the early stages of dating.
2. Using Humor to Create a Connection:
Humor is a great way to create a connection. Everyone loves to laugh, so if you can make your man laugh, that's a big plus. There are many beautiful, kind, and self-respecting women out there, but making your man laugh can help you stand out. The ideal relationship includes a friendship with your man. When your man feels like he's in a friendship with you, he's less likely to hurt you or cheat on you.
Think about it—men often have strong loyalty to their friends because they've built a solid friendship. Building a friendship with your man is essential. Have fun, engage in lighthearted conversations, and show that you can have a laugh together. Life is about enjoying these moments, and it helps develop a real connection between the two of you.
3. Showing Interest in His Life and Activities:
Showing genuine interest in his life and activities is crucial. If a woman doesn't care about what her man does, it's a big red flag. For instance, if he's a businessman and passionate about his work, listen to him talk about his day and show interest. If you don't care and only want to talk about yourself, he'll sense that you're an opportunist.
Of course, don't pretend to know everything about his interests if you don't. Instead, express curiosity and a willingness to learn.
For example, you can say, "Wow, I don't know much about that, but it sounds super interesting."
This way, he feels more comfortable talking about his passions, and you can learn more about him. Remembering details about his interests and bringing them up later shows that you care and are paying attention.
4. Keeping Messages Concise and Clear:
Keep your messages concise and clear. You don't want to bore him or make texting feel like an effort. Avoid long paragraphs and extensive back-and-forth texts. While it may seem like long texts show interest, they can actually be overwhelming. A high-value man respects his time and might find long messages bothersome. Keep it to a few sentences, straight to the point.
5. Remembering What He Told You:
Remembering what he told you is a huge plus. If he shares something dear to his heart and you bring it up later, it shows that you care. For example, if he asks how your day was and you mention an event you talked about previously, he should remember. If he forgets, it might make you question how important you are to him. The same applies to you—remember what he tells you to show that you care about his life.
6. Compliments, But Not Overly So:
Compliments are great, but don't overdo it. You don't want to seem fake or desperate. High-value men can detect insincerity. Many women have likely tried to win him over, so be genuine with your compliments.
A high-value man knows how to spot insincerity. He's had plenty of experience with women trying to win him over, so he's developed a keen sense for detecting fake compliments. Always give genuine compliments. Don’t try to force a compliment just for the sake of it.
For example, if he took charge during a date, you could text him saying, “I love how you take charge during our dates. I really appreciate that in a man.” Compliments don’t always have to be about looks. If you genuinely find him attractive, you can mention it, but avoid overdoing it.
If you're constantly showering him with exaggerated praise like, "You're incredible, you're amazing, you're the moon and stars," he will get bored. Men love a chase, and it's in their nature to pursue.
Even in the animal kingdom, it's the male's job to chase the female. So, let the chase be there, but also give him indications that you are interested if you genuinely are. Acting uninterested can lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings too so find the good balance.
The Don'ts of Texting:
1. Avoid Being Too Needy or Clingy
Men are generally not attracted to clinginess. They prefer exclusivity and value things that are not easily accessible. A high-value man wants a woman who is precious and not too available.
Don’t bombard him with messages if he hasn’t replied.
If he wants to text you, he will. This indicates that he sees value in you. If he doesn’t, then it’s better to find out early rather than wasting time on someone who isn't serious about you.
2. Avoid Overly Personal or Heavy Topics Too Soon
In the early stages of dating, avoid diving into overly personal or heavy topics. If he opens up about something personal, it might make you feel vulnerable and inclined to share your own personal stories.
Resist this urge initially. A man seeking a drama-free relationship might be turned off by heavy topics early on, especially if he has had past experiences with high-drama relationships.
3. Don’t Chase Him
If he hasn't replied to your messages, don't chase him. A man who is genuinely interested will make the effort to text you back. High-value men understand their role in pursuing a woman. If he's not chasing, it's likely he doesn't see the value he desires.
Chasing him will only make you seem desperate and reduce his respect for you. Have a life outside of dating. Pursue your hobbies, spend time with friends and family, and keep yourself busy. This not only makes you more interesting but also prevents you from overthinking or becoming too emotionally dependent on his responses.
Example of What Not to Do:
Here’s an example of a text conversation that goes wrong:
- She: "Do you even like me????"
- He: "I’m driving."
- She: "I don’t like you anymore, goodbye."
- She (later): "Joke, joke, I just got my period this morning, so just forget I said that."
This exchange is a perfect example of how not to handle a texting conversation. It shows desperation, insecurity, and erratic behavior, which are all unattractive qualities.
Timing and Frequency:
Balance your message frequency. Don’t reply instantly every time, and give him space to respond. This shows that you’re busy and value your own time.
Never send multiple follow-up texts if he hasn’t replied. It’s important to wait for his response before sending more messages.
Keeping the Conversation Going
1. Ask Open-Ended Questions.
Asking open-ended questions is important. If he’s constantly chasing you, which is great and normal, but you’re giving nothing back, he might think you’re uninterested.
He can start to overthink and question if it’s worth it anymore. He might even think you have someone else or have gone back to your ex. It’s crucial to show interest in him by asking open-ended questions like, “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done this week?”
For example, if he asks if you’re going on a trip this weekend, you can reply, “Yeah, I’ve booked my flight. I’m going from Friday to Sunday. Are you going to see your friend or attending that business meeting you mentioned?”
This shows that you’re engaged and interested in his life too.
Keeping your cards too close to your chest might make him think you don’t like him, causing him to distance himself.
You want him to chase you but not to the point where he feels it’s not worth it anymore because you’re not showing any interest.
